Sunday, July 21, 2013

permanent impermanence

a few weeks back i created that sad sappy piece of a tender moment shared with ryan and myself, as i would often document our "time together" - ie: skyping. that one piece has sort of triggered a new response of creative energy in me, but in a positive way. more so, this is an exploration of media, but conceptually (because of the "archival quality" of the ink) i'm more interested in the permanence of the actual art. by using non-archival inks, but pairing parts of the image with mediums that that hopefully "seal" the image (glazing mediums, watercolor, etc), i'm curious to see how permanent the image really is. by "sealing" the main subject matter - i am hoping to see a change in the environment surrounding the person. therefore, referencing the soundness of friendships and how, regardless of time and surroundings, the relationship stands strong.  - friendships remain stable even in evolving environments. not all the images have a glazing medium over the subject matter, but i've used watercolor, and am curious to see what remains when time takes a toll on the ink. i find the idea of evolving art intriguing, and i suppose i will only know in time what comes of it.

rpg 4x4
close to me 4x4

dirty laundry 4x4

pig hat 4x4

Monday, May 6, 2013

tears dry on their own

i've had a lot of compartmentalized emotion hanging out in my head from events that went down a couple of months ago... or really the series of events that lead to ryan moving back to atlanta. i didn't understand why i didn't cry much over it. i was crushed the first time we broke up. destroyed, even. yet this time, with so much going on at once -- change in job, flying to california for training, adjusting to a new life style  etc, i didn't have time to grieve the break up and the moving out. i had already become so self absorbed with my life and what i needed to do to prepare myself for the future that i didn't have time to be sad.

now that i've settled into the job, found a daily/weekly routine, i feel myself letting go of those pent up feelings and i don't know how to deal with them. naturally i let my emotions speak through my art. i think i tried to force myself to feel something about a month ago with an old image of me and ryan. it was from back in our skyping days. i would document our "conversations." i remember feeling so close to him, yet we were so far away. we were connected by pixels and audio/visual, wires and megabytes, fiber optic transmissions. our reality was a virtual reality but my feelings for him were real and i loved him dearly.

this particular image always stood out to me. the eyeball was kind of grotesque, i'm separated in the corner, experiencing, seeing, and not reacting. the aftermath of the image now, much of the same is happening, yet, the eye conveys the emotion and i'm just there. not reacting. not feeling. maybe the eye is now my eye and i'm looking at myself and figuring shit out.

"Mixed Signals" - inkjet print, watercolor, pen

Saturday, May 4, 2013

melissa v4.5

I've been thinking a lot about myself lately. How much I've transformed and grown over the years (many years, like since high school years...). I was having a conversation with an old acquaintance from high school the other day, and he made this comment about "how different I am now" from the person I was in high school. It's true (see photo below) So naturally I've really been putting a lot of thought into myself. Who I am, who I was, and the events in my life that have made me the awesome person that is "Melissa Humphries."

The most consistant thing about myself is that I've always wanted to break the stereotype of any kind of thing that is linked to me. It began with being pregnant in high school. I think at the time I got pregnant, teenaged pregnancy was at an all time high. (I don't feel like looking up the numbers, but I know there were a ton of preggar girls at my school). It was assumed by many that I would never make anything of myself, that my life was ruined by having a child, I would never finish school, I would never be any body... just a single mother that struggles her entire life making a minimum wage job because she couldn't go to school and get an education. So, what has this drive done for me? I own my house, I have a college education, and a pretty swell job. Not bad for all the adversity leading up to these life events.

I was fortunate to have a supportive family that believed in me and wanted me to succeed. My mother encouraged me to be a mom first, but never lose sight of who I am. But at ages ranging from 16-early 20s... who are you anyway... I searched a lot. I made a lot of mistakes, but I learned from them and I grew and I constantly reinvented myself to work closer to be a better person overall. I went so long in my life with no direction or understanding of who I am, I've been fortunate for my life experiences both positive and negative that molded me into the strong, independent woman I am today.

So what's the difference in 33 year old Melissa and 16 year old Melissa? A lot. I'm a little odd, but still pretty normal. Tattoos don't make the woman, my friends. Sixteen year old me was a little vain and a little anorexic. I had low self esteem and no clue who I was. I didn't fit in any specific social group, but I had a few close friends in all the social groups. But maybe that's every 16 year old... I don't know. My "childhood" ended early because of the prego thing, but nothing stopped me from what I wanted. I see goals, I make those goals happen. I'm probably still a vain person, but not in the same way. I still have body insecurities, I still often don't feel "good enough" "hot enough" blah blah... but at the same time, I know I'm better than most and deserve the best. I understand myself a lot more. Those "issues" make me want to run, practice yoga, and do strength training. It's all good for the body and good for the brain. I have a wonderful, amazing core group of friends that I couldn't live without. I love myself in a way I didn't know was possible and I understand my body and mind and the capabilities they have and I love pushing myself beyond those capabilities. Now it's just physical and mental maintenance and upgrades, and it feels good.

I've been through so much shit in my life, good and bad, that if I didn't grow from it, I'm scared of what kind of person I would be today. How interesting is life if you aren't constantly making it better. I take everything, everyone, every event in my life and see it all as a learning experience. "Why is this person in my life and what am I supposed to learn from it..."

When I was running today I had much better words to put on this dumb blog. I wish there was a way to just wire my brain to blogger. I had such great thoughts on the run (5 miles allows for a lot of thinking).

I don't understand people that don't change at all from the person they were in high school. If it works for them, then it works. Hopefully you've learned something along the way. Even worse, seeing people that have allowed themselves to "let go" and all they've become is a blob of gross (physically and mentally). Growing up doesn't mean getting older and accepting life as it's handed to you. It means taking what's handed to you and growing from it and becoming a better person. I'm not always a great person. I make bad decisions. I've lived, loved, lost. I grew stronger.
c. 1995 vs 2013

Monday, April 29, 2013


Please excuse the not-so-great photo. Everything I make ends up being an ovary reference, whether it's intentional or not. Does that make me a feminist artist? It seems as though my subconscious gravitates too much to the reproductive because it's something I often feel guilt over. Am I a selfish person because I've accepted that I never want to have another child? Aren't I supposed to want to nurture new life and sprout a family. It's just not appealing to me.

Does this need explanation... do I want to explain... I don't think I'm ready for that. "Guard-in" (garden).
Guard-in (14.5x20")

Sunday, April 7, 2013

Bridge Run 2013

it's that time again, time for the cooper river bridge run. it's my 4th year and this year, for me, it wasn't about beating previous years' time, it was about proving to myself that i can complete the race, running the entire time (except for only 2 mins on the bridge because people kept stopping right in front of me and getting in my way). i beat the part of my brain that tried to tell me to stop, and i pushed my body just enough to keep me going til the end.

this was the first year that i ran the majority of the race with my best friends beside me, Crystal was with me during the first 2.5 miles, and candi with me the last 2.5 miles. i had just over a mile that i ran alone and those were the moments of the race that, in retrospect, that i needed to myself to prove to myself that i could do these things and reflect on the years of running and the changes i've been through in my life that began with the first bridge run. i really think the past few months of yoga classes has really taught me how to take the negative thoughts out of my head and just let my breathing and focus on what my body can handle really helped me to finish this race (rather comfortably in a physical sense... granted, my legs were ready to fall off at mile 6, but i made it, and it was beautiful)

i love the impact running has made on my life, and that my love for running has motivated others to do the same.

Saturday, June 30, 2012

did i mention the new puppy!?

friends, fans, meet Sophia, the new member of the family. we fell in love with her about a month ago and just had to have her. i mean... how can you NOT resist that adorable face. buffy is enjoying having a 24 hour playmate. i've forgotten a lot of little things about raising a puppy that i take for granted now that buffy is big and well behaved. (ie: chewing on everything, housetraining, etc) it's so great, though, i'm so in love with this adorable thing.

Thursday, June 28, 2012

vegetable time

i'm trying to decide if the difference in lighting and white balance is a distraction in what appears to be a series that is happening. i feel like i'm changing composition and direction in the ambiguity of the image. i'm still exploring, but like what i have going so far. 

feedback would be nice. 

Saturday, June 16, 2012

photography : i once did that

i've been so busy lately that i haven't had time to sit and work on new art. at least not the kind of art which requires building and assembling, unless you count building frames as art. i'm still exploring this vegetable stuff and using the composition to create an ambiguous image for the viewer. i have 3 dimensional stuff i want to start exploring, but i need the time and the proper tools for the many things i want to create.

but for now... an onion.

Friday, June 1, 2012

a day off

having two jobs is killing me, but i need it to survive/pay bills. i wish i could just have one (fulfilling) full time job, but for now i'll live with two decent jobs.

today ryan and i traveled over to athens, ga to do my first installation of artwork in athens. it's in a delicious pizza place, Transmetropolitan. it feels great to branch out to other cities.

ken came by to help with the install
(thanks for getting me the gig)

i had to write my name/info on the board
it looks terrible. i hate writing on chalkboard

the trip was short and sweet and ryan and i ventured over to his co-worker's house to check out an adorable litter of puppies. we're getting one and naming her sophia. cutest. pup. ever. (besides buffy, buffy will always be #1)

box o'cute

i fell in love with this one
and named her Sophia
ryan and i will be getting her when she's
old enough