Wednesday, December 31, 2008

new years eve.

i broke my french press yesterday and had a near breakdown from that happening. is this month determined to torture me? fortunately i still have an actual coffee maker, so brewing that these days. the coffee actually seems a bit stronger, and i like that.

my nerves are still on the fritz. i just want to be happy and NOT anxious 24/7.


Monday, December 29, 2008


i cannot get past all the anxiety. i'm sleeping really crappy and am always on edge. me heart feels like it's going to beat out of my chest constantly. it kind of freaks me out. (which is counter productive since i'm trying to *not* be stressed) i haven't had a proper night's sleep in almost a week.

things will get better, i know. but for now this still sucks. this week will consist me of me refocusing and really working on myself where i've been slacking the past month.

i have no plans for new years eve. it's not like it matters, i suppose, but the idea of spending new years eve by myself is really depressing.

Friday, December 26, 2008

i'm going to make it through this year if it kills me.

my christmas didn't go as expected. there's nothing better than spending most of the day crying and/or trying to keep myself together around family members. it was a real challenge.

carley had a great christmas and got a lot of great things she can use (and that she wanted). --phone, digital camera, ipod, guitar, money, etc. she's pretty stoked about it all. i wish i could have been in a better mood so i could be excited for all that stuff.

i really wish my family wouldn't buy me gifts unless they know what i want/need. i have a bunch of pointless items now and will probably just store them in my attic and regift them next year. things i got that was awesome are: bunt cake pan, knife sharpener, cooking supplies, fondue kit. i'm pretty excited about those things. once i start eating again, i'll be putting all that stuff to use.

after i was finished with all my family stuff, i spent the rest of the evening with my friend, katie. she was in town staying at her parents and they invited me over for dinner, wine and movies. being there was the most calm time i had all day.

this weekend will be spent at elizabeth's in athens. i'm getting tattooed, having girl time, and hopefully by the time i get back home, i will feel much better about things going on around me. when i *do* get home, i will have a "new" sofa in my living room.

it's so hard being in this house and having so many memories that make me break down every 5 mins. i'm ready to get out of here.

Thursday, December 18, 2008

safety first!!!!

yet another beautiful day in greenwood, sc. so beautiful that i'm wearing a sleeveless shirt. this is not december weather, but i'm not complaining. i haven't had to run heat in the house the entire week.

this helmet screams DORK, but i love it.

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

my taste buds are bored with the same food. i need to change up my menu. the past week or so i've wanted food, eaten, but even though i was full, i still wanted to eat. i don't know if my body is missing some kind of nutrient that is making me eat until i find it OR my diet has sucked so bad lately that my body just wants junk. it's confusing. i need to fix it.

dinner tonight was less than par.

i'm going to wrap presents before carley gets home from her dad's.

i've come to the conclusion that i'm not a good gift-giver, which is why i don't usually give gifts for christmas. i feel like i should be crafty enough to *make* something, but i can't come up with anything nice to make for anyone. ken is so great with gifts. i need to come up with something great to give him. xo

random photo post...
i love my cat.

just in time for the holidays...

my grandfather is in the hospital. he was sick with a stomach virus last week and got dehydrated, so the hospital put him on fluids which ended up bloating him and is giving him breathing problems. they moved him to a room where they could monitor his heart. hopefully he will be better before christmas. my grandmother is stressed big time.


in lighter news, it's supposed to get up in the 70's today. that's ridiculous, and amazing! i wish i had a bike riding buddy *and* that i was off work.

i'm going to start wearing my helmet. i sometimes glance at the curb or sidewalk and think about how uncomfortable that would feel if for whatever reason i crashed into it. at least a helmet would lighten the impact.


i need to start working on my photo collage for an art show next month. i have the idea planned out, i just need to start working on it.

Sunday, December 14, 2008

to do:

** take better care of my body
** bake more
** work on print/s for art show in january
** work on xmas gifts for family/others
** read
** baking zine
** eat/cook better balanced meals for myself and carley
** stop spending money


christmas is just a week and a half away.
crazy. it really doesn't feel like it.

i'm getting tattooed in 2 weeks. i'm pretty stoked.


i hate cold weather. it makes me miserable, especially when i can't get warmed up.

Thursday, December 11, 2008

two things annoying me right now:

** all the rain is driving me crazy.

** beyonce's new songs are stupid and annoying and get stuck in my head. i have to hear them at work all day and no matter how much of MY music i listen to "if i was a boy" will not get out of my head. it's quite annoying.

ken and i "fixed" the roof last week. hopefully the caulk will hold up with this monsoon rain we've been having the past couple of days. it's quite annoying.

this week has been pretty crappy. i'm ready for a fresh start. no more bad news, please.

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

this is what i look like at age 29

happy birthday to me.

i'm making nerd cake for my birthday. (cake with nerds candy in the batter and on the icing) it's going to be ridiculous.


yesterday was weird. my cooking mojo was off. i made a below-par dinner (working with what we had left in the pantry) i over seasoned the rice and effed it up big time.

i wanted to go ahead and make my birthday nerd cupcakes, so i did that and all was well until they were getting taken out of the oven. (i had asked carley to check on them/take them out while i was doing pilates) carley ended up dropping the cupcakes and burning herself. the oven was a mess. her arm has a nice blister on it now. she felt horrible for messing up the cupcakes, but it really wasn't a big deal. she also didn't realize that my birthday was so close and was upset that she didn't do anything for me for my birthday. i'm sure she'll come up with something. she's the best daughter a mom could have. that's all i need.

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

the weather has been miserable the past few days. either it's ridiculously rainy or windy as hell. i haven't ridden my bike since wednesday. other factors go into play with this. ie: athens for the thanksgiving, photographed a wedding over the weekend, etc. but i'm ready to get back on my bike.

this morning i'm waiting on a package from UPS. it's my daughter's "big" christmas present, and i've missed the first delivery so i certainly want to be here for the next one.

if i don't ride my bike to work today, i will take a good hour ride down the bike trail and use that time to take pictures as well. the sky was so beautiful when i was coming home yesterday, i wished i had my camera to capture that moment. i don't really like shooting landscapes, but i'm sure i could find something interesting to shoot on the bike trail. it's a really beautiful trail with the leaves still falling/changing colors.

i've lost a lot of my "focus" over the past few weeks. i'm reading less and watching more television (2 hours a day, max... i love house. it's rather frustrating. that's changing this week.

portraits have been going well. i'm not shooting as much as i would like, but i'm getting in at least one good shoot a week. i'd like to be up to 2-3. it's hard, though, with my work schedule and life in general. there are several co-workers that want me to do a sitting with them. i think that if they saw the work i've been doing lately, that they would be pushing for me to take their photos a lot sooner. i've been really stoked on my shoots. this weekend i'm doing modeling headshots/portfolio for my cousin. those should turn out great. she's beautiful, tall, thin.

below are pictures of kasey and jennifer, two of my co workers.



Tuesday, November 25, 2008

busy busy busy.

the past week or so has been pretty busy. i'm staying occupied. housework is lacking. my to list keeps getting bigger with no sign of being anywhere close to done.

i had an impromptu photoshoot tonight. i'm indifferent about the outcome of the photos. i'll post a couple of them tomorrow. right now i'm tired.

tomorrow will have a decent photo update with portraits i've been working on. i want to do more.

Sunday, November 16, 2008

there's not enough time in a day.

one night in athens is not enough. i need to fix my schedule where i can spend at least 36 hours in athens rather than less than 24. this weekend was a tease.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

just a few things...

i haven't felt much like updating this, and i really need to keep up with it. i think for the next few posts, i'm going to do strictly photography related things. so, what i have for your viewing enjoyment is a photo of my niece (victoria) and my cousin (baylee).

i've been trying to figure out adobe lightroom and i'm finally getting the hang of it. this program cuts my editing time in half. i love it love it love it.

the picture of victoria i'm thinking of using for promotional stuff for my kid portraits. i can order post card sized promo stuff for less than $10 (100 post cards!)

Saturday, November 1, 2008

saturday night blogging~~

yep, i have nothing better to do with my life tonight other than blog. actually, i have a lot of around-the-house stuff to do before heading to athens tomorrow, so i decided to write a bit while i eat my delicious vegan black eyed pea/salsa/rice/avocado quesadilla complete with home made vegan "cheese".

tonight's plan was to make vegan cheese cake and gluten-free brownies, but i'm not going to be able to do that. no where in this town has silken tofu, so i can't make the cheesecake and i'd rather the brownies be fresh for my friends on monday/tuesday.

i put together a tasty bev tonight with my pinot noir. it's quite reminiscent of sangria, but without all the fruit. i made a 1:1 mixture with pineapple juice, and it took the "bite" off of the wine. i like it a lot now. i'm a fruity drink kind of gal, i guess. one glass is all i'm having, then i'm getting to work on the rest of my to do list.

life is moving along pretty swell. ken will be home "for good" on monday. and by "for good" i mean, he'll be in athens and not on the road for a while. (hopefully). it's been a long six weeks, but i'm really glad he was able to go. it was a pretty bold move for us/him to make in such "early stages" of our relationship, but the outcome was really positive. things are great with us, and i feel that this only made us stronger. it's going to be great having him here with me for a few days.

i'm stuffed now. time to work on the to do lists:
clean kitchen
clean bedroom
clean living room

Thursday, October 30, 2008

this morning i was tempted to call the "how am i driving" number on the back of a car that passed me at elbow's length, going about 55 down a small side road. i wonder if they really care and if the driver would get in trouble for their lack of concern for the safety of a person on a bike. i certainly hope so.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

it starting to get cold enough now for us to use our space heaters. carley is a bit of a wimp when it comes to being cold, so the space heater is more on her part than mine. it's 48 outside and she wants the car to be warmed up before taking her to school. it's not really ***that*** cold outside. geez. :)

i may get to see ken on thursday. this makes me so ridiculously happy.

Monday, October 20, 2008

this weekend was somewhat uneventful.

friday night was depressing. i had the night off. it was raining. i made it home from work, soaked, checked the roof/ceiling to make sure the leak (that has yet to be fixed) was not out of hand. while at work that afternoon, i had devised a to do list for the evening that would keep me busy and out of trouble. (ie: keep me from going out and drinking) after cleaning my room, doing laundry and making dinner, it was still early and i was bored out of my head. i had other things i wanted to get done around the house but didn't feel like doing it. can't a girl take a break sometime!? i ended up watching tv (which i hate doing) and going to bed pretty early.

i ended up picking up a saturday night shift and worked the day through. (9:30am-9pm) i didn't want to have another night of sitting at home and feeling sorry for myself for a)having no hang out buddies in this town and b) missing ken. so, working felt like the right thing to do. after drinking literally, countless cups of coffee ***all day*** i was wired after work and didn't want to go home so i rode by one of the bars my coworker said she would be at to see if she was there. my plan was to have a couple of drinks to take the coffee edge off, then head home. things didn't work out just like that, but i still made it home safely. got to talk to ken. (which had its good and bad points, but ended with a very positive outcome). yay.

sunday was carley's birthday. she was with her dad until 3, so i spent the morning baking red velvet cupcakes. i had a weird run in with a guy at the grocery store that insisted i was someone that i'm not. i got annoyed and just to prove to the guy i was who i said i was, i flashed my drivers license at him, pointed at my name and walked off. after telling my mom the story, she's nearly convinced the guy was trying to get my address so he can stalk me, rape me, then kill me. i told her she watches too much crime television. she may have a point though. i'm pretty sure i covered up my address though. anyway.... carley's birthday was nice. we went to my grandmothers, had cupcakes, talked to my mom. carley wanted chickpea curry for dinner, so i cooked her that. it turned out really delicious. i used a recipe from vegan with a vengeance. carley likes her curry spicy, i didn't make it spicy enough, but it was still good.

my brother came over to fix the water heater, but as any/everything goes with my life, it wasn't that simple. he can't get the cut off valve to budge in order to turn the water off so he can remove the water heater. on top of that, then entire countertop is going to have to be removed just to get the heater out. (which is fine because the counter is warped and messed up, so i need a new one anyway. the water heater is constantly draining water through the drain pipe and into my flower bed. (good for the flowers, bad for my water/electricity bill) this kind of explains why my bill has been so high even though i KNOW i haven't used much electricity. i'm still stressing next month's bill.

so, once again, nothing that's broken in my house is fixed yet. at this rate, i'll be able to sell my house in about ten years. being a homeowner is amazing and i love this place being **MY** home, but right now i just want to run away from all responsibility from it because i'm so overwhelmed.

i have two photoshoots this week. mom/son and actor headshots. a part of me wants to try to work with just natural light again. i need reflectors and an assistant for that, though, so for now i'm going to stick with using my flashes as strobes and maybe cut back on the power and just have it for shadow filler. we'll see what happens. i need to get better at this photography stuff so i can get my ass out the restaurant business.

is it bad that i'm basing my vote for senator and solicitor on how well they tip me? i mean, if you can't take care of a waitress, how good are you going to be to the entire county/state. (right) so that's how my local voting is. (for the most part, only, i'm kidding, i do look at other things as well)

Friday, October 17, 2008


i'll try to do a real update soon. it's been a very non eventful week.

Friday, October 10, 2008

i think i'm freaking out a bit .

i'm a bit worried about my future. and by "future" i mean, my career. i'll be 29 this year and have yet to really pursue my career goals. i don't think i've actually focused on one specific goal. i'd really like to be a small business owner, a bakery being what i'd really love to open, but i still have so much to learn/make/perfect before doing such a thing. i don't even know where to start.

i think i'm just worried that i'm going to end up in the restaurant business my entire life. i don't want to be a 50 year old woman working graveyard shift in a diner because that's the only job i can get based on my "experience".

occasionally i get really motivated to pursue my photography more, and when i have one bad shoot, i lose all my motivation and put off photography. i know i don't get out and shoot enough. i know i don't have all the proper equipment for the types of photography i do, but then again i don't have the money to invest in more lenses, flashes, etc etc etc.

the move to athens has really jogged my brain back into reality about what i want to do with my life. when i first move there, i'm going to have to get a job at a restaurant. it should be easy for me to get a job there. i'd like to bartend. i just don't want to make that all i do. living in a bigger town should bring more opportunity and more motivation to do other things.

i just want to get the most out of life and not waste away inside a building working just to make ends meet. that's not the life i've ever wanted.

**** jumbled thoughts.... sorry

Thursday, October 9, 2008


after my near-nervous breakdown yesterday, i called my mom to vent about all my bad luck i had happen within the first 20 minutes of me getting home. i'm still freaking out a bit because i have even *more* home improvements to make now before i am ready to put my house on the market to sell. i've been having nightmares about getting my house appraised, so i want to have it in immaculate shape before i have someone come tell me house much my house is worth. i need to have a garage sale and get rid of all the extra crap i have around the house. when we do finally move, i want the bare minimum to go with us. i'm a bit of a pack rat, so there's going to be a lot of purging over the next several months.

i've also started a list of home improvements for my house. most of it i think i can do without spending too much money, so that's a good thing. i know i'm going to have to repaint some of my walls and do some touch ups on the ceilings where i did a horrible job of painting in the rooms. i also have to work on "curb appeal" which will be a pretty big deal. most of that will just be maintenance, though, and not so much investement. i'll cross that bridge when i get there.

for the time being, things i'm going to fix this weekend:
water heater: current one is busted, so i have to get a new one, ugh.
leak in the roof: that goes without saying
hole in the ceiling: i'm a fucking clutz. what can i say.

(the awesome bruise i got from putting my foot through the ceiling)

other things i may go ahead and do:
**new backdoor (window is broken and so is the doorknob)
**light cover for bulbs in middle room (long florescent lights, broke the cover 2 years ago, oops)
**fix shower so it doesn't leak anymore

note to self:
cheap cat litter is the worst, especially when your cat has potent poo.

to go back to me calling my mom, i meant to add that i told her about carley and i moving. while she's not particularly excited about our move, she's at least sort of supportive. i don't think she'll go behind my back and tell people that i'm making a bad decision. she said yesterday that she's always known that i wouldn't stay in this town my entire life and that if i had not of had carley at such a young age that i would have been long gone by now. she's right. i just hope that she understands that the move is a good thing for both me and carley. there's nothing for us in this town. greenwood sucks the life out of people. i'm 28 years old and work in a restaurant. granted, i love my job, but i want to have more opportunities for my and carley's life. i want us to be more involved in out community and i want us to be surrounded by amazing, positive people. that's not going to happen in greenwood. athens has that for us. and i may end up working in a restaurant when i first move there, it's the quickest job for me to get, but at least i will have more opportunities to do other things that i love, and actually try to persue my photography and/or baking a little more. ken and i will make it work. i have a good feeling about all this.


apparently we have 3 more kittens at the house! i *need* to get miss rocky fixed, asap. even though she's pretty much a "stray" cat, i still feel responsible for her. she makes some pretty babies though. i may keep one. (i've named him edward) but i'm going to have to talk it over with ken first. i'm sure he's going to tell me i'm being irrational and that i need to find a proper home for the new kittens. and he's going to be right. but edward is so adorable!!!!!

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

i can't fucking win.

busted water heater.
leaking roof.
hole in the ceiling.
dead prairie dog.

what the hell have i done to deserve this string of bad luck.
the other day some guy screamed out "baby got back" at me while i was on my bike.

i didn't know if i should be offended or flattered. so i flicked him off. passive agressive. that's all i got.

drivers were a notch above annoying yesterday. i don't understand why people think they can pass me going 50+mph down a narrow road, barely missing me and almost knocking me off my bike and find that to be the safest means of passing. i mean, i get it.... in a battle of a huge van vs 125lb body on a 20lb bike, we all know who would win. (me, of course, my body is made of steel) i think i'm just going to start taking up the majority of the lane and going over to the shoulder when i'm being passed. i try to be nice and share the road, but no one else is willing to share the road, then i'm going to hog it up.

Monday, October 6, 2008

accident prone.

for the most part, today was an okay day. or at least i'm back to some kind of normality. after having the weekend off to shoot the wedding and be out of town, not to mention the dramatic event on friday, i was some what looking forward to getting back to work.

work was pretty lame and slow. i still managed to walk out with a decent amount of cash in my hands, so all is well.

while on my ride home, my phone fell out of my back pocket and i somehow didn't notice. i didn't realize that until i got home, so i back tracked and found my phone in the road, crushed by a car. i don't have insurance on my phone, so i'm either going to have to a) buy a new phone or b) find someone with an extra phone to give me. we'll see what happens. until then, i'm sans phone. it's not like anyone ever calls me, anyway.... so it's not really *that* big of a deal.

i finally decided on thomas' final resting place and got to work on fixing it up for him this evening. he now has an entire flower bed to himself. i raked and de-weeded the flower bed and carley and i had a little burial ceremony for him. i cried. again. i sucks saying goodbye to such an amazing creature. he was my little piece of happiness. carley and i are going to plant some chrysanthymums around his grave and paint the bricks that are covering him. hopefully whoever buys the house from me will respect his grave site and leave it be.

i started going through the wedding photos from the weekend. i'm actually pretty okay with how they turned out. i have to edit a lot of them, but that's pretty normal. if i were the bride, i would be pretty happy with the album that i'm giving her. so, all is well, i believe. i always get stressed about photos i take at weddings. this one was a little more stressful because i couldn't get all the "standard traditional" stuff because everything was a bit chaotic. it's rough trying to photograph several locations at once, especially when i can't be in 3 places at once.

the weekend outside of the wedding was pretty fun. i spent some time with my nieces. (ages 4 and 11) victoria, the 4 year old, loves me to death and is so much fun to be around. she's too cute not to love. she wanted to ride bikes saturday morning, so i obliged. she has a pretty rad Dora the Explorer tricycle. we rode down to the dock and back. she got tired and decided to push her bike back to the house. once we got to her street, she decided (without telling me) that she was going to ride her bike down the small hill to the house. i was already at the bottom. the next think i know, i hear her screaming for me to help her to stop. before i could get to her, she goes flying over the handlebars of the dora trike. i knew she was going to come up with a bloody face and missing teeth, but luckily she only had a couple of scratches. she was freaked out, though, and milked the wreck for all it was worth the rest of the weekend. hopefully this will not end her cycling carreer, though.


things that need to get done this week:

adjust my saddle (i keep putting this off, and i really need to fix it)
pay off mechanic
bake something new (suggestions?)
clean/de-weed more flower beds
cancel service with DISHnetwork

Friday, October 3, 2008

R.I.P. Thomas Joshua Woodward III

thomas passed away this morning. my only guess is that it was from natural causes. the past few days he's seemed pretty normal, with the exception of sleeping a lot more and being a little more aggressive when he was outside of his cage. he also seemed to prefer being in his cage rather than run around the house and would often retreat to his cage after being outside it for less than an hour. he does that from time to time, so i thought nothing of it.

this morning something inclined me to check on him before i took carley to school. he looked a little weak and out of it so i took him out of the cage and held him for a moment. once again, he was being defensive, but not attacking. i held him close, he was kind of cold. the house was a little chilly, so i cuddled him close to me to warm him up. he was anxious to get back in his cage, bit me hard enough to break skin. i called him a jerk, and put him back in his cage.

when i got home from taking carley to school, i went to check on thomas and to apologize and to let him run around while i was getting ready for my day. i opened the cage, and he was motionless. sleeping heavy, i thought to myself. when i went to pick him up, his body was limp. at first i was in denial of what i knew was true. i showered, trying to not think about his limp body there in his cage.

after showering it went to check in him once again... no change. the moment i've dreaded happening has now happened. i don't want to bury him, but i don't know what else to do. not being able to hold him, pet him, chase after him, clean up his "turd bombs", and hear his shrill every time i walk through the front door. he's been such a huge part of my life for the past three years. (three years ago being when i first met him) he's like a child to me. i love him so much.

he loves to cuddle

i love you, thomas.

Thursday, October 2, 2008

being sick suuuuuuucks

all week i've had a bad case of "the sniffles". my head is so conjested that i feel like a totally different person. i've somehow breezed through work, with no recollection of what really went on during the day. i must have done a good job, though because i've made good money this week. or maybe i'm just getting sympathy tips and they want me to take my ass to the doctor.

i'm feeling a bit better today, so that's a good sign. the nasal conjestion has gone down, but now i feel it all in my lungs and it's kind of difficult to breathe. (which is going to make my commute to work interesting)

i leave tomorrow to go to charlotte for the weekend. i'm shooting a wedding there. i'm pretty excited about it. i finally get to use my new camera for some "real" photography. the wedding is going to be fun. i'm a bit worried about the lighting after the ceremony, since it's a pretty late ceremony, but i should be able to make things work. i broke one of my flashes (again) while i was in charleston. i dropped it. so, it turns on but doesn't fire. i have two other flashes, and those will do. they will serve as my strobes for formal portraits, then i will shoot with a sync chord for the reception, that way i can control the balance of the lighting a little more.

i haven't bothered with taking up time for editing/going through photos from charleston, but i did just take the liberty of uploading a few pictures from my, carley and christine's walk on the cooper river bridge. the bridge is awesome. the walk was a lot of fun. i really want to bike up the bridge. i know my legs will hate me when i make it to the top, but it would a fun climb.

on to the pictures...

the suspension cables the hold the cooper river bridge. i really like this photo...

cargo boat. is that what you call it?

tug boat!!!

looking down at the marsh from the bridge. this is probably one of my fav shots from the walk

i love all the docks

me, carley and christine

carley took this picture last night while i was trying to work on my lighting at dawn.

Thursday, September 25, 2008

to do: make a to do list

looks like it's going to be another windy day.

it's getting to be jacket and jeans weather. i love this time of year.

carley and i are going to charleston for the weekend. it's going to be a great escape, and i'm really looking forward to photographing the "Brazilian bash" my friend is dj'ing. all in all, it will be good times.

ken is gone for the next month+. i miss him terribly. our "reunion" will be amazing though. i think i dreamed of that last night. it will be so nice to be in his arms again.

i haven't devised a to list this week, which is very uncommon. i need to work on that today. there's a decent amount of things that need to get done before carley and i head out of town, and there are some personal goals/things that i would like to get started/finished in the next month-ish.


i started reading the "twilight" series this week. carley just finished the entire series, and i was really impressed on how into the books she was. (reading a full 400+ page novel in just a few days) i just finished the first book today (2 days after starting) it is really good. i'm going to have to go buy the 2nd book. we have the rest of the series. i can't wait to start the new one. by the time i finish the series, ken will be back, and i can borrow some of his books that i've wanted to read. (getting back in to tom robbins, etc)


operation: get out of greenwood has begun. it's time for me to start taking steps to getting my house sell-ready. (yet another to do list to work on) i'm going to miss this house. i wish i could just take it with me. i still have 7 months (maybe longer) here. carley and i both are ready, though. i'm scared as shit.

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

i frickin' HATE budgeting.

budgeting for me isn't really "budgeting". my income is sporatic and i don't really know what i'm going to make on a week to week basis. i have personal "goals" for what to make each week, but lately, with the economy sucking and everyone spending their money on gas and other bull shit, tips have gone down the drain. i'm picking up stupid shifts at work just to *maybe* have a paycheck. it's starting to get stressful.

so far, this is what my money situation looks like for the next month:

$$$ of bills owed in the next two weeks: $545 (up to first of month)
$$$ of bills due at the first of the month $760

so, from the looks of it, i have to make about $1300 in the next few weeks. (by no later than October 10th, which is my cut off date for my house payment)

mind you, what's listed above does not include gas, food, or the additional things i owe money on -- $200 to my mechanic for new breaks, etc and a more recent oil change

positive things:
i'm shooting a wedding the first of october, and that should generate somewhere around an $850 profit. (i can pay off my mechanic and put some money in savings, give myself the money i *would have made* from working that weekend, and buy carley her birthday present) after that, i'll be broke again.

carley's dad is way behind in child support, again. while it's not very positive right now, it will be a good thing when he's summoned to court again because he'll HAVE to pay out something or go to jail. my fingers are crossed that he'll choose the former.

i'm not going to stress too much about the whole money thing. things always work out.

it sucks being a grownup sometimes.

Sunday, September 14, 2008

my one day off a week.

there's nothing better than getting woken up early on your day off and the conversation ends up putting you in a bad mood.

my weekend wasn't all that great. i really could have used a good morning.

i'm going to sip on some coffee and hopefully calm down. i have a huge to do list for my house.


apparently i didn't actually publish this right away this morning. my internet went out for a while, so i focused even more on getting things done around the house.

my list of things i did:

--dumped, cleaned litter box-- deodorized and added fresh litter
--dumped, cleaned, scrubed, deodorized thomas' cage -- lined it with new paper
--swept, mopped kitchen and laundry room
--washed/dried two loads of clothes (still need to be folded
--cleaned the bike room, put extra unneeded things in the attic
--vacuumed middle room, cleaned a/c unit, realized i was way past due for a new filter
--45 minute pilates workout
--lunch time (veg baked beans, mock ckn salad sandwich)
--biked to bank, walgreens and price wise foods - bought new a/c filter and some home deodorizers
--mowed lawn, front and back

it's 4:00 now, and i have to shower and go meet up with my family for dinner somewhere. it's my grandmother and aunt's birthday celebration. i think they're going out for seafood. i don't really want to go because there is really no options for me for food. i don't want fried foods or just a salad and baked potato. i could have that here at home and it be 100x healthier.

i still have to shower. i'm frickin' gross as shit now. sweat, dirt, grease, grime, house cleaning products.

the bathroom still needs to be cleaned, but that's carley's one big chore in the house, so i'm going to make sure she gets that done today.

Friday, September 12, 2008

someone took a picture of me on their camera phone while i was biking home from work tonight. granted is really uncommon to see cyclists after dark, but was that really necessary?

i ended up picking up a shift tonight because i didn't want to be home alone tonight.


when it rains, it pours. (literally and figuratively)

this week has been pretty awesome. ken came back to greenwood with me on sunday and stayed until wednesday. it was great to spend extra time with him since right now we're limited to my weekends off from work, and sometimes that's not even going to work out. we didn't do much, seeing as how there isn't much to do in this town. but quality time is key, and we got plenty of that in.

i've been really stressed about money lately. (big surprise, i know) i finally was able to make my house payment (10 days after the day i usually pay it) now i have to play catch up for the next couple of weeks and make sure i make/have enough money to cover bills and start this charade again.

i don't really understand where all my money went. actually, i do know. all throughout july and part of august, i was out gallivanting and enjoying myself for once, visiting friends, going to shows, etc. even though i was aware of how much i was shorting myself financially by doing the traveling and running around, i wasn't too worried. i had money i had made at weddings, i had money owed to me, and i had more weddings coming up, so i wasn't that worried. photography has slacked off now, and i still haven't been paid in full for the wedding i shot in may. (i'll get to that in a minute though) not to mention, carley's dad is on the fast train to jailtime because he's slacking off big time on paying child support. i don't want him to go to jail, but i don't want to show up to court again, supporting him, saying it's okay for him to give false promises on catching up on child support. sorry, buddy, i'm over it. i wish i could get out of my financial responsibility to being a parent and just NOT pay bills and think no one will care. i don't work like that, and it bothers me when others do.

in no way am i a money grubbing materialistic freak. a part of me could care less if i get money from him or not, but at the same time, i NEED this money to buy groceries, get carley more supplies for school, buy her new books. i make just enough money at my job to cover bills and do minor grocery shopping. it would be nice to have a buffer where i don't have to worry if i only go home with $40 in my pocket from working that day. blahhhh.

speaking of money issues, my water heater is broken. i think the electrical part of it is on the fritz. HELLO COLD SHOWER! (no fun) i hope it doesn't need to be replaced. i can't afford that right now. my brother is coming by while i'm at work to check it out. hopefully he'll figure it out.

the weather has been so shitty lately. while we need the rain, i don't like having it around because i want to ride my bike to work every day. i'll probably still ride today, even with the lingering threat of rain. ken and i got poured on the other day while we were biking home from work. i'd rather be rained on on my way home than on my way to work. if it's bad when i get off work today, i may just catch a ride home from one of my coworkers. we'll see. i don't mind the rain, really. i just want to ride my bike.

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

coffee induced thoughts

roaches gross me out so much. last night my cat started freaking out and making these weird noises. i look over my shoulder and see a roach big enough to eat thomas hanging out on the wall. i went to knock it off the wall and it scurried away. i hate using chemical products in my house, so i looked up natural ways of killing/getting rid of roaches. having a cat is one way. (check) the other thing i found out was that baking soda dehydrates roaches and they die. (score) i ended up making this weird paste stuff with bread crumbs, soymilk, sugar and baking soda. we'll see if this monster roach and his family dies off now. **crosses fingers**

i went on a nice bike ride to run errands yesterday. people that drive around here are frickin' idiots. i don't quite comprehend why people insist on passing me at arms reach on a four lane road. **just get in the other lane, jerk!** i saw this couple that i wait on a lot at work (i call "the splenda couple") pass me and almost cut me off. other than that shit, all went well. i love my bike.

after riding my bike in athens this weekend, i realized i'm somewhat uncomfortable riding in other towns. granted, athens has more hills and more traffic than greenwood, but i don't think that was my problem. maybe it was just the unfamiliarity i have with the town (in a biking sense). i guess it will get better over time. i'm okay when riding with other people, just riding alone kind of freaks me out in athens right now. it's kind of silly.

work is going great this week. i have a pretty kick ass schedule and i should be pretty close to having my house payment money by the end of the week.

my new pilates workout dvd came in the mail yesterday. in this dvd, i'm using my workout ball. it kicked my ass yesterday and it was awesome! i like it a lot better than the "advanced workout" that i have. so i'm going to do the workout ball 2-3x a week and the 20 min workout the rest of the week. i just love doing pilates.

more picture taking this week. i need to figure out how to do multiple exposures. i have a neat idea for a picture of me and ken. if it works like my mind has it together, it would be pretty cool. i also have a portrait shoot on thursday with my friend, jennifer. i need to build my portfolio, so i'm offering portraits to my coworkers pretty much for free, but taking donations.

Sunday, August 31, 2008

i had a pretty amazing time in athens this weekend. if i wasn't so tired, i would probably write about it. (maybe i'll save the writing part for tomorrow morning after i've had my first cup of java, we'll see.)

what i would like to post, though, are the photographic highlights of my weekend.

dome away from home



tall bike

artsy shit

Friday, August 29, 2008

a little stressed.

business has been really slow at work, and it is killing me financially. my house payment is due next week and i'm not even remotely close to having enough money. it's really frickin' stressful. hopefully things will pick up next week and i can be a little less stressed.

i found out this past week that i won't be doing another store opening until at least april. *bummer* no traveling for me. at the same time, i'm a little relieved. the next opening was in october, and carley's birthday is in october. i would hate to miss her birthday.

this past week has been pretty uneventful. there's been a lot of rain and storms, so i haven't been able to ride my bike much. hopefully this weekend the weather will be nicer. i'm driving to athens to see ken and i'm sure we'll come up with fun things to do. (and even better, things that will not cost me any money)

a couple of days ago i printed out my credit report. i didn't realize how many credit cards i have had over the past 10 years. my goal today is to close all the accounts i don't use. i'm really trying to limit myself to one credit card to have for emergencies (not to mention i'm sticking with my "being debt free by the time i'm 30" goal) i would LOVE to not have anything to pay other than "normal" bills, that way i will feel more comfortable with moving out of this town when it's time.

i'm looking forward to this weekend.

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

scone is such a funny word.

i decided to make some scones for breakfast this morning. (my first attempt) i'm rather happy with the outcome, and adding fresh cherries to the recipe was a brilliant idea. (YUM!)

recipe taken from vegan with a vengeance. i love the recipes in there. last night carley and i had cajun potatoes and veggies. it was quite delicious.

Monday, August 25, 2008

safety first

i finally did the "advanced pilates workout" today. man was that intense. i had mastered the "20 minute workout" and felt as though it was time to step it up a notch. i frickin' love the advanced work out. i think i'll do that 3x a week and my 20 min workout the other days.

i've been feeling really great about my health lately. i've been sticking with my "workout" for well over a month now. (probably missing, at most 3 days of no bike, elliptical, or pilates) i try to do one or the other, or all the above. it's really starting to show, too. i can tell a difference in how my clothes look on me. i'm not really sure what triggered this whole body sculpting thing, but i'm glad it did. i constantly stay in my head about my looks. (which is a really bad thing)

my entire life (or at least as long as i can remember) i've always felt fat, been fat, or never really had that perfect figure i wanted. i wish i could be happy with myself no matter how big or small i am. elizabeth says that i'll never be overweight, seeing as how my diet consists of just vegetables and very little processed food. she's probably right but i also want to be fit. i love riding my bike and i love feeling my muscles burn when i really start pushing myself.

maybe my whole thing with working out daily isn't a body obsession, but more of a "see how far i can push myself and accomplish things" challenge. a lot of days, if i'm biking home from work, i try to take a more difficult, hilly route home, rather than the quick, mostly flat route i take on my way there. the home stretch is so nice.


carley's first week of school went well. she has a lot of homework and studying that takes up a lot of her afternoon, but that's fine. i'm enjoying helping her, and in the mean time, relearning things.


sometimes i wonder if i'm going to have more children. there's a pretty big part of me that doesn't want to have another child, but then i think about settling down with a great guy, and maybe we will want a child of our own. i guess i'll cross that bridge when i get there.


i finally put together carley's daybed yesterday. it took me for-frickin'-ever. she loves it though, and i'm really happy with it. it can even pull out big enough to add another twin bed for when she has friends sleep over. nifty, right? ikea is my new best friend.

our rooms:



silly photo by ken freeman

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

parenting is going to be tricky.

we're half way through carley's first week of school. so far all is going well. she has a lot more homework, studying and reading this year, and they're throwing it on her pretty heavy already. (which is good because she can get in the mind set that there is no room for slacking)

tonight i helped her study her vocabulary for her ELA class. (english/language arts). at first it was a little frustrating because she didn't really "study", rather she just looked over the material and asked me to quiz her on it. i got a little upset when she couldn't answer any of the questions 100% right, so we spent at least half an hour going over the material together, then did a little quiz game where she had to earn computer time by getting questions right. i don't know if that's a good thing or not, but i don't believe that she should have computer privileges if she's not really putting her mind to use and studying. school comes first.

things are going well for us though. i really love our relationship. these days there's a lot of tough love that i'm giving her, and she's definitely testing me to see what my/her limits are. all in all, though, we're a great mother/daughter pair.


other news, i can't sleep for shit these days. i've been a bit of a mental case all week. i'll blame it on hormones, but i know there's a lot more than that going on. it's lonely in this town. i don't really have any close friends that really know me or understand me or that have any common interest as me. i have my work friends, but they're just that. (save a couple, and they're awesome, but still, not the same) i have no one to ride bikes with or have coffee with or to cook dinner for. (other than carley) and maybe i'm just having some pathetic pity party for myself right now, i'm allowed that, i think. i want out of this town for fucking bad. i deal with this life here because i have to. i want a better life though.

**end pity party**


i took more pictures in the kitchen this morning. i may try to do some better breakfast photos tomorrow.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

abstract food.

while cutting/pitting cherries that were going to go bad, i had a great idea to photograph the cherries after i was done. the outcome turned out really neat. abstract/macro photography is my nitch, i believe.

i don't have an actual macro lens, so what i do is use a "reversing ring" on my 50mm lens that allows me to mount my lens backward and use it like a macro lens, but it's more like a magnifying glass. the good thing is that it creates some neat looking photos, the bad thing is that the prints are never really super sharp. i'd really like to get a lensbaby. i could do a lot more creative stuff with that, as the reversing ring limits me to in animate objects.

*on to some of my favorites from today*