Sunday, August 31, 2008

i had a pretty amazing time in athens this weekend. if i wasn't so tired, i would probably write about it. (maybe i'll save the writing part for tomorrow morning after i've had my first cup of java, we'll see.)

what i would like to post, though, are the photographic highlights of my weekend.

dome away from home

breakfast


skateboarding




tall bike


artsy shit

Friday, August 29, 2008

a little stressed.

business has been really slow at work, and it is killing me financially. my house payment is due next week and i'm not even remotely close to having enough money. it's really frickin' stressful. hopefully things will pick up next week and i can be a little less stressed.

i found out this past week that i won't be doing another store opening until at least april. *bummer* no traveling for me. at the same time, i'm a little relieved. the next opening was in october, and carley's birthday is in october. i would hate to miss her birthday.

this past week has been pretty uneventful. there's been a lot of rain and storms, so i haven't been able to ride my bike much. hopefully this weekend the weather will be nicer. i'm driving to athens to see ken and i'm sure we'll come up with fun things to do. (and even better, things that will not cost me any money)

a couple of days ago i printed out my credit report. i didn't realize how many credit cards i have had over the past 10 years. my goal today is to close all the accounts i don't use. i'm really trying to limit myself to one credit card to have for emergencies (not to mention i'm sticking with my "being debt free by the time i'm 30" goal) i would LOVE to not have anything to pay other than "normal" bills, that way i will feel more comfortable with moving out of this town when it's time.

i'm looking forward to this weekend.

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

scone is such a funny word.

i decided to make some scones for breakfast this morning. (my first attempt) i'm rather happy with the outcome, and adding fresh cherries to the recipe was a brilliant idea. (YUM!)

recipe taken from vegan with a vengeance. i love the recipes in there. last night carley and i had cajun potatoes and veggies. it was quite delicious.

Monday, August 25, 2008

safety first

i finally did the "advanced pilates workout" today. man was that intense. i had mastered the "20 minute workout" and felt as though it was time to step it up a notch. i frickin' love the advanced work out. i think i'll do that 3x a week and my 20 min workout the other days.

i've been feeling really great about my health lately. i've been sticking with my "workout" for well over a month now. (probably missing, at most 3 days of no bike, elliptical, or pilates) i try to do one or the other, or all the above. it's really starting to show, too. i can tell a difference in how my clothes look on me. i'm not really sure what triggered this whole body sculpting thing, but i'm glad it did. i constantly stay in my head about my looks. (which is a really bad thing)

my entire life (or at least as long as i can remember) i've always felt fat, been fat, or never really had that perfect figure i wanted. i wish i could be happy with myself no matter how big or small i am. elizabeth says that i'll never be overweight, seeing as how my diet consists of just vegetables and very little processed food. she's probably right but i also want to be fit. i love riding my bike and i love feeling my muscles burn when i really start pushing myself.

maybe my whole thing with working out daily isn't a body obsession, but more of a "see how far i can push myself and accomplish things" challenge. a lot of days, if i'm biking home from work, i try to take a more difficult, hilly route home, rather than the quick, mostly flat route i take on my way there. the home stretch is so nice.

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carley's first week of school went well. she has a lot of homework and studying that takes up a lot of her afternoon, but that's fine. i'm enjoying helping her, and in the mean time, relearning things.


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sometimes i wonder if i'm going to have more children. there's a pretty big part of me that doesn't want to have another child, but then i think about settling down with a great guy, and maybe we will want a child of our own. i guess i'll cross that bridge when i get there.

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i finally put together carley's daybed yesterday. it took me for-frickin'-ever. she loves it though, and i'm really happy with it. it can even pull out big enough to add another twin bed for when she has friends sleep over. nifty, right? ikea is my new best friend.

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our rooms:

carley's


mine


silly photo by ken freeman
Photobucket

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

parenting is going to be tricky.

we're half way through carley's first week of school. so far all is going well. she has a lot more homework, studying and reading this year, and they're throwing it on her pretty heavy already. (which is good because she can get in the mind set that there is no room for slacking)

tonight i helped her study her vocabulary for her ELA class. (english/language arts). at first it was a little frustrating because she didn't really "study", rather she just looked over the material and asked me to quiz her on it. i got a little upset when she couldn't answer any of the questions 100% right, so we spent at least half an hour going over the material together, then did a little quiz game where she had to earn computer time by getting questions right. i don't know if that's a good thing or not, but i don't believe that she should have computer privileges if she's not really putting her mind to use and studying. school comes first.

things are going well for us though. i really love our relationship. these days there's a lot of tough love that i'm giving her, and she's definitely testing me to see what my/her limits are. all in all, though, we're a great mother/daughter pair.

===

other news, i can't sleep for shit these days. i've been a bit of a mental case all week. i'll blame it on hormones, but i know there's a lot more than that going on. it's lonely in this town. i don't really have any close friends that really know me or understand me or that have any common interest as me. i have my work friends, but they're just that. (save a couple, and they're awesome, but still, not the same) i have no one to ride bikes with or have coffee with or to cook dinner for. (other than carley) and maybe i'm just having some pathetic pity party for myself right now, i'm allowed that, i think. i want out of this town for fucking bad. i deal with this life here because i have to. i want a better life though.

**end pity party**

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i took more pictures in the kitchen this morning. i may try to do some better breakfast photos tomorrow.


Tuesday, August 19, 2008

abstract food.

while cutting/pitting cherries that were going to go bad, i had a great idea to photograph the cherries after i was done. the outcome turned out really neat. abstract/macro photography is my nitch, i believe.

i don't have an actual macro lens, so what i do is use a "reversing ring" on my 50mm lens that allows me to mount my lens backward and use it like a macro lens, but it's more like a magnifying glass. the good thing is that it creates some neat looking photos, the bad thing is that the prints are never really super sharp. i'd really like to get a lensbaby. i could do a lot more creative stuff with that, as the reversing ring limits me to in animate objects.

*on to some of my favorites from today*









Monday, August 18, 2008

today's the big day

i'm getting my day started off later than i wanted to. after taking carley to school. (day 1, middle school!), i decided to lie back down for a while and nap. i was hoping to really only nap, and wake up about an hour later, but now it's 11:30 and i'm finally getting my day started.

there are several errands that need to be ran. the weather is nice, so i'm hopping on sasha (my bike) today and doing all my errands on two wheels. (72 degree weather is probably the best weather, ever) so, i'm looking forward to that. i just need to be home by 3:30 so i can greet carley at the door when the bus gets here.

i'm still trying to get a grasp on how things are going to change for carley (and myself) during these next few years of middle school. i didn't go to a public middle school, so i don't really know what she is going to be experiencing. the school is pretty big. she looked so small walking in there this morning, and it all just felt so surreal. i have faith in her that she will have a great experience there, but i guess i just have these fears of kids picking on her or peer pressuring her, or just something really devastating (emotionally) happen to her.

carley and i have had a lot of "serious talks" over the past few weeks. my main concern being that she can and will come to me when things are starting to go bad, or when she does have questions about sexuality, peer pressure, bullies, love, boyfriends, etc. i want that window of communication open 24/7. she's very naive and vulnerable and will do anything to be accepted. that alone can be a very dangerous combination. i think we're going to look up books on peer pressure and and teens, or really just any books on dealing with "growing up", at the library. maybe it will help the both of us.

on a lighter note:

check her out, first day of school

Sunday, August 17, 2008

i haven't felt like doing much of anything today. i've been moody and just feel shitty. i hate this feeling.

the day started off okay. i woke up, immediately biked to where ken was staying so he and could have a talk, biked home right after, had coffee, showered, then picked up my daughter. at some point in the afternoon, my mood shifted and i got testy and moody. i snapped at carley way too much today and spoke my mind more than i should have, and i feel like a jerk. female hormones are bitch. (no pun intended)

i think i'm kicking myself in the ass for decisions i have made, that were not the best of decisions. i've hurt someone i really care about, and i never want to do that.

emotional wreck isn't the right word, but it's the first that comes to mind.

my daughter starts middle school tomorrow. i have the day off from work. i'm going to keep my self occupied. i have a lot of errands i need to do that i'm going to make a point to do on my bike. the weather has been amazing lately and being on my bike makes all my worries go away.

i think tomorrow i will try to write a blog about my thoughts on my daughter being in middle school. to be quite honest, i'm scared as shit. i don't feel like i'm ready to take this on by myself. her dad isn't much help, in a sense that i can't properly talk to him about what i'm concerned about. he and i are nothing alike, and he don't "get" my views on life, parenting, etc.

positive things:
bike rides
pilates
cooking/eating vegan again
bagels
coffee
reading
i said, 'love is waiting
and better days'
she smiled and placed a kiss
on my waiting face
promise what you will
something good for me
time will take it all
and it will, you'll see

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

equus is on broadway, starting this september. a part of me wants to buy tickets. *dan radcliffe naked!!**




i need a nap.

Friday, August 1, 2008

i wish i were better at writing and maybe i would have something to say.

i'm not feeling too much for words right now, so i'll leave you with these nifty pictures of my week (thus far)

matt, kristen and oscar came to visit earlier this week. i haven't seen them in a couple of years, so it was awesome to see them, catch up, hang out.








wednesday i went to north carolina. bike race, friend, good times.
the following pictures were taken with my *new* nikon D200. when i was taking the pictures, i thought they sucked. i finally got to view them yesterday and, to my surprise, there were some pretty good ones. i didn't really want to go for the typical kind of shots that are taken during races. i love using slow-sync shutter with my flash to create neat streams of light and to, in some kind of way, show action. i need to work on my composition, and remember that these guys are ***flying*** by so i need to start shooting as soon as the front wheel enters the frame. i'll have a little more practice this weekend, so we'll see what the next round looks like.

on to the shots...