Thursday, October 30, 2008

this morning i was tempted to call the "how am i driving" number on the back of a car that passed me at elbow's length, going about 55 down a small side road. i wonder if they really care and if the driver would get in trouble for their lack of concern for the safety of a person on a bike. i certainly hope so.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

it starting to get cold enough now for us to use our space heaters. carley is a bit of a wimp when it comes to being cold, so the space heater is more on her part than mine. it's 48 outside and she wants the car to be warmed up before taking her to school. it's not really ***that*** cold outside. geez. :)

i may get to see ken on thursday. this makes me so ridiculously happy.

Monday, October 20, 2008

this weekend was somewhat uneventful.

friday night was depressing. i had the night off. it was raining. i made it home from work, soaked, checked the roof/ceiling to make sure the leak (that has yet to be fixed) was not out of hand. while at work that afternoon, i had devised a to do list for the evening that would keep me busy and out of trouble. (ie: keep me from going out and drinking) after cleaning my room, doing laundry and making dinner, it was still early and i was bored out of my head. i had other things i wanted to get done around the house but didn't feel like doing it. can't a girl take a break sometime!? i ended up watching tv (which i hate doing) and going to bed pretty early.

i ended up picking up a saturday night shift and worked the day through. (9:30am-9pm) i didn't want to have another night of sitting at home and feeling sorry for myself for a)having no hang out buddies in this town and b) missing ken. so, working felt like the right thing to do. after drinking literally, countless cups of coffee ***all day*** i was wired after work and didn't want to go home so i rode by one of the bars my coworker said she would be at to see if she was there. my plan was to have a couple of drinks to take the coffee edge off, then head home. things didn't work out just like that, but i still made it home safely. got to talk to ken. (which had its good and bad points, but ended with a very positive outcome). yay.

sunday was carley's birthday. she was with her dad until 3, so i spent the morning baking red velvet cupcakes. i had a weird run in with a guy at the grocery store that insisted i was someone that i'm not. i got annoyed and just to prove to the guy i was who i said i was, i flashed my drivers license at him, pointed at my name and walked off. after telling my mom the story, she's nearly convinced the guy was trying to get my address so he can stalk me, rape me, then kill me. i told her she watches too much crime television. she may have a point though. i'm pretty sure i covered up my address though. anyway.... carley's birthday was nice. we went to my grandmothers, had cupcakes, talked to my mom. carley wanted chickpea curry for dinner, so i cooked her that. it turned out really delicious. i used a recipe from vegan with a vengeance. carley likes her curry spicy, i didn't make it spicy enough, but it was still good.

my brother came over to fix the water heater, but as any/everything goes with my life, it wasn't that simple. he can't get the cut off valve to budge in order to turn the water off so he can remove the water heater. on top of that, then entire countertop is going to have to be removed just to get the heater out. (which is fine because the counter is warped and messed up, so i need a new one anyway. the water heater is constantly draining water through the drain pipe and into my flower bed. (good for the flowers, bad for my water/electricity bill) this kind of explains why my bill has been so high even though i KNOW i haven't used much electricity. i'm still stressing next month's bill.

so, once again, nothing that's broken in my house is fixed yet. at this rate, i'll be able to sell my house in about ten years. being a homeowner is amazing and i love this place being **MY** home, but right now i just want to run away from all responsibility from it because i'm so overwhelmed.

i have two photoshoots this week. mom/son and actor headshots. a part of me wants to try to work with just natural light again. i need reflectors and an assistant for that, though, so for now i'm going to stick with using my flashes as strobes and maybe cut back on the power and just have it for shadow filler. we'll see what happens. i need to get better at this photography stuff so i can get my ass out the restaurant business.

is it bad that i'm basing my vote for senator and solicitor on how well they tip me? i mean, if you can't take care of a waitress, how good are you going to be to the entire county/state. (right) so that's how my local voting is. (for the most part, only, i'm kidding, i do look at other things as well)

Friday, October 17, 2008


i'll try to do a real update soon. it's been a very non eventful week.

Friday, October 10, 2008

i think i'm freaking out a bit .

i'm a bit worried about my future. and by "future" i mean, my career. i'll be 29 this year and have yet to really pursue my career goals. i don't think i've actually focused on one specific goal. i'd really like to be a small business owner, a bakery being what i'd really love to open, but i still have so much to learn/make/perfect before doing such a thing. i don't even know where to start.

i think i'm just worried that i'm going to end up in the restaurant business my entire life. i don't want to be a 50 year old woman working graveyard shift in a diner because that's the only job i can get based on my "experience".

occasionally i get really motivated to pursue my photography more, and when i have one bad shoot, i lose all my motivation and put off photography. i know i don't get out and shoot enough. i know i don't have all the proper equipment for the types of photography i do, but then again i don't have the money to invest in more lenses, flashes, etc etc etc.

the move to athens has really jogged my brain back into reality about what i want to do with my life. when i first move there, i'm going to have to get a job at a restaurant. it should be easy for me to get a job there. i'd like to bartend. i just don't want to make that all i do. living in a bigger town should bring more opportunity and more motivation to do other things.

i just want to get the most out of life and not waste away inside a building working just to make ends meet. that's not the life i've ever wanted.

**** jumbled thoughts.... sorry

Thursday, October 9, 2008


after my near-nervous breakdown yesterday, i called my mom to vent about all my bad luck i had happen within the first 20 minutes of me getting home. i'm still freaking out a bit because i have even *more* home improvements to make now before i am ready to put my house on the market to sell. i've been having nightmares about getting my house appraised, so i want to have it in immaculate shape before i have someone come tell me house much my house is worth. i need to have a garage sale and get rid of all the extra crap i have around the house. when we do finally move, i want the bare minimum to go with us. i'm a bit of a pack rat, so there's going to be a lot of purging over the next several months.

i've also started a list of home improvements for my house. most of it i think i can do without spending too much money, so that's a good thing. i know i'm going to have to repaint some of my walls and do some touch ups on the ceilings where i did a horrible job of painting in the rooms. i also have to work on "curb appeal" which will be a pretty big deal. most of that will just be maintenance, though, and not so much investement. i'll cross that bridge when i get there.

for the time being, things i'm going to fix this weekend:
water heater: current one is busted, so i have to get a new one, ugh.
leak in the roof: that goes without saying
hole in the ceiling: i'm a fucking clutz. what can i say.

(the awesome bruise i got from putting my foot through the ceiling)

other things i may go ahead and do:
**new backdoor (window is broken and so is the doorknob)
**light cover for bulbs in middle room (long florescent lights, broke the cover 2 years ago, oops)
**fix shower so it doesn't leak anymore

note to self:
cheap cat litter is the worst, especially when your cat has potent poo.

to go back to me calling my mom, i meant to add that i told her about carley and i moving. while she's not particularly excited about our move, she's at least sort of supportive. i don't think she'll go behind my back and tell people that i'm making a bad decision. she said yesterday that she's always known that i wouldn't stay in this town my entire life and that if i had not of had carley at such a young age that i would have been long gone by now. she's right. i just hope that she understands that the move is a good thing for both me and carley. there's nothing for us in this town. greenwood sucks the life out of people. i'm 28 years old and work in a restaurant. granted, i love my job, but i want to have more opportunities for my and carley's life. i want us to be more involved in out community and i want us to be surrounded by amazing, positive people. that's not going to happen in greenwood. athens has that for us. and i may end up working in a restaurant when i first move there, it's the quickest job for me to get, but at least i will have more opportunities to do other things that i love, and actually try to persue my photography and/or baking a little more. ken and i will make it work. i have a good feeling about all this.


apparently we have 3 more kittens at the house! i *need* to get miss rocky fixed, asap. even though she's pretty much a "stray" cat, i still feel responsible for her. she makes some pretty babies though. i may keep one. (i've named him edward) but i'm going to have to talk it over with ken first. i'm sure he's going to tell me i'm being irrational and that i need to find a proper home for the new kittens. and he's going to be right. but edward is so adorable!!!!!

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

i can't fucking win.

busted water heater.
leaking roof.
hole in the ceiling.
dead prairie dog.

what the hell have i done to deserve this string of bad luck.
the other day some guy screamed out "baby got back" at me while i was on my bike.

i didn't know if i should be offended or flattered. so i flicked him off. passive agressive. that's all i got.

drivers were a notch above annoying yesterday. i don't understand why people think they can pass me going 50+mph down a narrow road, barely missing me and almost knocking me off my bike and find that to be the safest means of passing. i mean, i get it.... in a battle of a huge van vs 125lb body on a 20lb bike, we all know who would win. (me, of course, my body is made of steel) i think i'm just going to start taking up the majority of the lane and going over to the shoulder when i'm being passed. i try to be nice and share the road, but no one else is willing to share the road, then i'm going to hog it up.

Monday, October 6, 2008

accident prone.

for the most part, today was an okay day. or at least i'm back to some kind of normality. after having the weekend off to shoot the wedding and be out of town, not to mention the dramatic event on friday, i was some what looking forward to getting back to work.

work was pretty lame and slow. i still managed to walk out with a decent amount of cash in my hands, so all is well.

while on my ride home, my phone fell out of my back pocket and i somehow didn't notice. i didn't realize that until i got home, so i back tracked and found my phone in the road, crushed by a car. i don't have insurance on my phone, so i'm either going to have to a) buy a new phone or b) find someone with an extra phone to give me. we'll see what happens. until then, i'm sans phone. it's not like anyone ever calls me, anyway.... so it's not really *that* big of a deal.

i finally decided on thomas' final resting place and got to work on fixing it up for him this evening. he now has an entire flower bed to himself. i raked and de-weeded the flower bed and carley and i had a little burial ceremony for him. i cried. again. i sucks saying goodbye to such an amazing creature. he was my little piece of happiness. carley and i are going to plant some chrysanthymums around his grave and paint the bricks that are covering him. hopefully whoever buys the house from me will respect his grave site and leave it be.

i started going through the wedding photos from the weekend. i'm actually pretty okay with how they turned out. i have to edit a lot of them, but that's pretty normal. if i were the bride, i would be pretty happy with the album that i'm giving her. so, all is well, i believe. i always get stressed about photos i take at weddings. this one was a little more stressful because i couldn't get all the "standard traditional" stuff because everything was a bit chaotic. it's rough trying to photograph several locations at once, especially when i can't be in 3 places at once.

the weekend outside of the wedding was pretty fun. i spent some time with my nieces. (ages 4 and 11) victoria, the 4 year old, loves me to death and is so much fun to be around. she's too cute not to love. she wanted to ride bikes saturday morning, so i obliged. she has a pretty rad Dora the Explorer tricycle. we rode down to the dock and back. she got tired and decided to push her bike back to the house. once we got to her street, she decided (without telling me) that she was going to ride her bike down the small hill to the house. i was already at the bottom. the next think i know, i hear her screaming for me to help her to stop. before i could get to her, she goes flying over the handlebars of the dora trike. i knew she was going to come up with a bloody face and missing teeth, but luckily she only had a couple of scratches. she was freaked out, though, and milked the wreck for all it was worth the rest of the weekend. hopefully this will not end her cycling carreer, though.


things that need to get done this week:

adjust my saddle (i keep putting this off, and i really need to fix it)
pay off mechanic
bake something new (suggestions?)
clean/de-weed more flower beds
cancel service with DISHnetwork

Friday, October 3, 2008

R.I.P. Thomas Joshua Woodward III

thomas passed away this morning. my only guess is that it was from natural causes. the past few days he's seemed pretty normal, with the exception of sleeping a lot more and being a little more aggressive when he was outside of his cage. he also seemed to prefer being in his cage rather than run around the house and would often retreat to his cage after being outside it for less than an hour. he does that from time to time, so i thought nothing of it.

this morning something inclined me to check on him before i took carley to school. he looked a little weak and out of it so i took him out of the cage and held him for a moment. once again, he was being defensive, but not attacking. i held him close, he was kind of cold. the house was a little chilly, so i cuddled him close to me to warm him up. he was anxious to get back in his cage, bit me hard enough to break skin. i called him a jerk, and put him back in his cage.

when i got home from taking carley to school, i went to check on thomas and to apologize and to let him run around while i was getting ready for my day. i opened the cage, and he was motionless. sleeping heavy, i thought to myself. when i went to pick him up, his body was limp. at first i was in denial of what i knew was true. i showered, trying to not think about his limp body there in his cage.

after showering it went to check in him once again... no change. the moment i've dreaded happening has now happened. i don't want to bury him, but i don't know what else to do. not being able to hold him, pet him, chase after him, clean up his "turd bombs", and hear his shrill every time i walk through the front door. he's been such a huge part of my life for the past three years. (three years ago being when i first met him) he's like a child to me. i love him so much.

he loves to cuddle

i love you, thomas.

Thursday, October 2, 2008

being sick suuuuuuucks

all week i've had a bad case of "the sniffles". my head is so conjested that i feel like a totally different person. i've somehow breezed through work, with no recollection of what really went on during the day. i must have done a good job, though because i've made good money this week. or maybe i'm just getting sympathy tips and they want me to take my ass to the doctor.

i'm feeling a bit better today, so that's a good sign. the nasal conjestion has gone down, but now i feel it all in my lungs and it's kind of difficult to breathe. (which is going to make my commute to work interesting)

i leave tomorrow to go to charlotte for the weekend. i'm shooting a wedding there. i'm pretty excited about it. i finally get to use my new camera for some "real" photography. the wedding is going to be fun. i'm a bit worried about the lighting after the ceremony, since it's a pretty late ceremony, but i should be able to make things work. i broke one of my flashes (again) while i was in charleston. i dropped it. so, it turns on but doesn't fire. i have two other flashes, and those will do. they will serve as my strobes for formal portraits, then i will shoot with a sync chord for the reception, that way i can control the balance of the lighting a little more.

i haven't bothered with taking up time for editing/going through photos from charleston, but i did just take the liberty of uploading a few pictures from my, carley and christine's walk on the cooper river bridge. the bridge is awesome. the walk was a lot of fun. i really want to bike up the bridge. i know my legs will hate me when i make it to the top, but it would a fun climb.

on to the pictures...

the suspension cables the hold the cooper river bridge. i really like this photo...

cargo boat. is that what you call it?

tug boat!!!

looking down at the marsh from the bridge. this is probably one of my fav shots from the walk

i love all the docks

me, carley and christine

carley took this picture last night while i was trying to work on my lighting at dawn.