Wednesday, December 31, 2008

new years eve.

i broke my french press yesterday and had a near breakdown from that happening. is this month determined to torture me? fortunately i still have an actual coffee maker, so brewing that these days. the coffee actually seems a bit stronger, and i like that.

my nerves are still on the fritz. i just want to be happy and NOT anxious 24/7.

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Monday, December 29, 2008

suuuucks.

i cannot get past all the anxiety. i'm sleeping really crappy and am always on edge. me heart feels like it's going to beat out of my chest constantly. it kind of freaks me out. (which is counter productive since i'm trying to *not* be stressed) i haven't had a proper night's sleep in almost a week.

things will get better, i know. but for now this still sucks. this week will consist me of me refocusing and really working on myself where i've been slacking the past month.

i have no plans for new years eve. it's not like it matters, i suppose, but the idea of spending new years eve by myself is really depressing.

Friday, December 26, 2008

i'm going to make it through this year if it kills me.

my christmas didn't go as expected. there's nothing better than spending most of the day crying and/or trying to keep myself together around family members. it was a real challenge.

carley had a great christmas and got a lot of great things she can use (and that she wanted). --phone, digital camera, ipod, guitar, money, etc. she's pretty stoked about it all. i wish i could have been in a better mood so i could be excited for all that stuff.

i really wish my family wouldn't buy me gifts unless they know what i want/need. i have a bunch of pointless items now and will probably just store them in my attic and regift them next year. things i got that was awesome are: bunt cake pan, knife sharpener, cooking supplies, fondue kit. i'm pretty excited about those things. once i start eating again, i'll be putting all that stuff to use.

after i was finished with all my family stuff, i spent the rest of the evening with my friend, katie. she was in town staying at her parents and they invited me over for dinner, wine and movies. being there was the most calm time i had all day.

this weekend will be spent at elizabeth's in athens. i'm getting tattooed, having girl time, and hopefully by the time i get back home, i will feel much better about things going on around me. when i *do* get home, i will have a "new" sofa in my living room.

it's so hard being in this house and having so many memories that make me break down every 5 mins. i'm ready to get out of here.

Thursday, December 18, 2008

safety first!!!!

yet another beautiful day in greenwood, sc. so beautiful that i'm wearing a sleeveless shirt. this is not december weather, but i'm not complaining. i haven't had to run heat in the house the entire week.


this helmet screams DORK, but i love it.

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

my taste buds are bored with the same food. i need to change up my menu. the past week or so i've wanted food, eaten, but even though i was full, i still wanted to eat. i don't know if my body is missing some kind of nutrient that is making me eat until i find it OR my diet has sucked so bad lately that my body just wants junk. it's confusing. i need to fix it.

dinner tonight was less than par.

i'm going to wrap presents before carley gets home from her dad's.

i've come to the conclusion that i'm not a good gift-giver, which is why i don't usually give gifts for christmas. i feel like i should be crafty enough to *make* something, but i can't come up with anything nice to make for anyone. ken is so great with gifts. i need to come up with something great to give him. xo

random photo post...
i love my cat.

just in time for the holidays...

my grandfather is in the hospital. he was sick with a stomach virus last week and got dehydrated, so the hospital put him on fluids which ended up bloating him and is giving him breathing problems. they moved him to a room where they could monitor his heart. hopefully he will be better before christmas. my grandmother is stressed big time.

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in lighter news, it's supposed to get up in the 70's today. that's ridiculous, and amazing! i wish i had a bike riding buddy *and* that i was off work.

i'm going to start wearing my helmet. i sometimes glance at the curb or sidewalk and think about how uncomfortable that would feel if for whatever reason i crashed into it. at least a helmet would lighten the impact.

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i need to start working on my photo collage for an art show next month. i have the idea planned out, i just need to start working on it.

Sunday, December 14, 2008

to do:

** take better care of my body
** bake more
** work on print/s for art show in january
** work on xmas gifts for family/others
** read
** baking zine
** eat/cook better balanced meals for myself and carley
** stop spending money

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christmas is just a week and a half away.
crazy. it really doesn't feel like it.

i'm getting tattooed in 2 weeks. i'm pretty stoked.

brrr

i hate cold weather. it makes me miserable, especially when i can't get warmed up.

Thursday, December 11, 2008

two things annoying me right now:

** all the rain is driving me crazy.

** beyonce's new songs are stupid and annoying and get stuck in my head. i have to hear them at work all day and no matter how much of MY music i listen to "if i was a boy" will not get out of my head. it's quite annoying.



ken and i "fixed" the roof last week. hopefully the caulk will hold up with this monsoon rain we've been having the past couple of days. it's quite annoying.


this week has been pretty crappy. i'm ready for a fresh start. no more bad news, please.

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

this is what i look like at age 29



happy birthday to me.

i'm making nerd cake for my birthday. (cake with nerds candy in the batter and on the icing) it's going to be ridiculous.

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yesterday was weird. my cooking mojo was off. i made a below-par dinner (working with what we had left in the pantry) i over seasoned the rice and effed it up big time.

i wanted to go ahead and make my birthday nerd cupcakes, so i did that and all was well until they were getting taken out of the oven. (i had asked carley to check on them/take them out while i was doing pilates) carley ended up dropping the cupcakes and burning herself. the oven was a mess. her arm has a nice blister on it now. she felt horrible for messing up the cupcakes, but it really wasn't a big deal. she also didn't realize that my birthday was so close and was upset that she didn't do anything for me for my birthday. i'm sure she'll come up with something. she's the best daughter a mom could have. that's all i need.

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

the weather has been miserable the past few days. either it's ridiculously rainy or windy as hell. i haven't ridden my bike since wednesday. other factors go into play with this. ie: athens for the thanksgiving, photographed a wedding over the weekend, etc. but i'm ready to get back on my bike.

this morning i'm waiting on a package from UPS. it's my daughter's "big" christmas present, and i've missed the first delivery so i certainly want to be here for the next one.

if i don't ride my bike to work today, i will take a good hour ride down the bike trail and use that time to take pictures as well. the sky was so beautiful when i was coming home yesterday, i wished i had my camera to capture that moment. i don't really like shooting landscapes, but i'm sure i could find something interesting to shoot on the bike trail. it's a really beautiful trail with the leaves still falling/changing colors.

i've lost a lot of my "focus" over the past few weeks. i'm reading less and watching more television (2 hours a day, max... i love house. it's rather frustrating. that's changing this week.

portraits have been going well. i'm not shooting as much as i would like, but i'm getting in at least one good shoot a week. i'd like to be up to 2-3. it's hard, though, with my work schedule and life in general. there are several co-workers that want me to do a sitting with them. i think that if they saw the work i've been doing lately, that they would be pushing for me to take their photos a lot sooner. i've been really stoked on my shoots. this weekend i'm doing modeling headshots/portfolio for my cousin. those should turn out great. she's beautiful, tall, thin.

below are pictures of kasey and jennifer, two of my co workers.
kasey

kasey

jennifer